Merrywives’ Blog

“Pure knowledge is the ultimate emancipator. It equalizes people and sovereign states, erodes the archaic barriers of superstition and promises to lift the trajectory of cultural evolution .” E.O. Wilson

I very much believe that Sociobiologist E.O. Wilson’s statement is true. Pure knowledge is the only way we can erode the barriers of superstition. Laws should not be enacted based on biased fiction.

Born and raised in Hildale, Utah, I strive today to raise my children by the same values and ideals that I grew up with. I have worked outside my community for over 25 years and for the last 20 years have worked mainly in the medical field; my experience is in med/surg, long term geriatric, rehabilitation, home health, and Hospice. I very much value the friendships and associations I have developed over time.
I grew up in what you would call today an unconventional family. I am #12 of 19 children. My dad was a philosopher, and educator, a friend, and many times a super Mom. I am the first born of his second wife. I know alto-well the fear tactics and bullying our government placed on my culture. I lived my whole childhood fearing what might happen to my Dad if they found out I was his pleural child. I remember running to the back closet to hide when the doorbell rang. No one outside my family or culture could know that he was my Dad!
In the 1953 raid, he was sent to jail for 2 years for defending his friends right to live their religion. He only had one wife at the time. He had been dealt an unjust hand by our government. After this my family went through some serious economic hardships. To meet the family’s needs, my mother’s went to work, often outside the community. My dad, a school teacher, became Mom and Dad since his schedule best met ours. In a concerted, semi-organized fashion we learned how to stir up a meal in a minute, eat, wash the dishes, put them back in the cupboard, sweep the floor, pass my Dads inspection and race to school on time. My dad strongly believed in the work hard, play hard philosophy. Our summers were full of household chores, gardening and improvement projects. We lived off of our garden in the summer and also in the winter due to our joined efforts of canning what we harvested in the fall. Government assistance or hands outs were never an option! After the work was done, we would spend leisure time swimming in local pools, playing sports, reading, or simply engrossed in stories of the good old days.
In spite of the way government had treated him and his family during and after the raid, my father was a champion of freedom. He loved God, family, the constitution, and all that America stands for. When he died suddenly of a hear attack, all of our lives stopped spinning for a while and it took some time to regain traction. We knew he loved all the children, but secretly we each knew we were his favorite. Two years later my mom remarried a gentleman who became known as Grandpa Joe. Joe filled some pretty big shoes and restored some needed balance to our lives. 15 years later he also died, this time traumatically in a car accident; once again leaving a very big hole.
Grandpa Joe also was a great philosopher and lover of freedom! I remember one conversation with him that has never left me. We were having a lively debate on religion and Christian theology. Grandpa Joe loved to cook and often served his new and exciting recipes with thought provoking conversations. He said, “This is the way I see it. We are all standing outside the Pearly Gates waiting for Jesus to come claim his rightful church. The Catholics, Methodist, Jehovah Witness, Baptists, Lutherans’, the Presbyterians’, the Mormons’, and yes even the Fundamentalists are there. We are all arguing over who is more worthy to be claimed by Jesus. Finally Jesus comes through the pearly gates and as he looks into our eyes, he says, “All I have ever asked of any of you is to love one another”.
I love what I do and the people I work with. However, I cannot tell you how many times professionals have blundered through conversations with and around me. Many, being unaware of where I am from, make offhanded and biased remarks about the polygamists. The following are actual statements by (so called) professionals, over the years.

“I hear you don’t want to go out there without your guns or your bodyguard, you may never come back”,
“I hear they keep their women locked up and only let them out if their husband is with them.”,
“They all live off of the government.”,
“I’m tired of my taxes paying for their children’s education”.
“Why don’t they lock up all the polygamous, they should not be allowed on the streets”,
“If I had my way, they would all be rounded up on cattle cars and carried off”,

Just like me, these professionals are expected to check their biases at the door. And just like me, these professionals have had multiple Cultural diversity and Sensitivity training classes. Cultural diversity training is meant to apply to all people, all cultures!
Many times, however, it appears to us that polygamists are one of the last groups that it is okay to target and malign. Why? Does it have anything to do perhaps, with the unique wording of Utah’s bigamy law that leaves us in an unprotected status and in many minds denies us the right to be a religion, denies us the right to be a culture?
It is open season on families that are considered felons. Where are the checks and balances and best practices when it comes to providing services for these families? So many times in plural family cases unless service providers are deeply committed to the best practices that have been established over time and with experience, these best practices are disregarded and biases and assumptions take over.
The anti-polygamy laws have caused thousands of men, women and children over the last 130 years to lie and hide in order to protect their families. This is what I call abuse. So let us talk about real abuse!!
After the Reynolds Act in 1879 and the Edmunds Act in 1882 at least 12,000 polygamists and their wives were disenfranchised. It became a crime to cohabit with more than one woman. They were denied jury duty, the right to vote or hold office, to own property. Women were imprisoned if they would not testify against their husband. Some of these were women were imprisoned with their babies less than six months old. Plural children were declared illegitimate. Women Suffrage in the Utah Territory was abolished and self defense options for these people were eliminated. During this time, there were around 2500 criminal cases in the Utah territory. This legislation, with the stroke of a pen, turned thousands of law abiding citizens into criminals. This was the beginning of the polygamous witch hunts that continue on today.
In 2003, in the pivotal decision Lawrence vs. Texas, the Supreme Court tells government to get their nose out the bedroom of consenting adults. We celebrate this, and now are we getting down to the real tough talk? Is Lawrence vs. Texas just about gays, or is it about all of us? Supreme Court, Justice Scalia in his dissent in Lawrence vs. Texas feared that if we gave gays’ this protection it starts a slippery slope to polygamous rights. With all due respect to Justice Scalia, my rights are not at the bottom of some slippery slope, they are right next to his at the top of the hill.
Chief Justice Durham could see some of the discrimination toward polygamists. In her 2006 dissent during the Rodney Holm case in Utah, she states, “While cohabitation of unmarried couples is commonplace in society today, including those who may be legally married to another, criminal penalties are imposed on those who do so for religious reasons.”
Also in Justice Durham’s dissent she quoted Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor in saying this, “The state cannot single out one identifiable class of citizens for punishment that does not apply to everyone else, with moral disapproval as the only asserted state interest for the law. This runs contrary to the values of the Constitution and the Equal Protection Clause, under any standard of review.”
I have waited my whole life for statements like this to come out of the courts. I should not be surprised that they are now coming from women!
The barriers in dealing with families in the plural lifestyle are the consequences of state-created, archaic laws and the subsequent isolation; closed societies, families being marginalized, families sequestered and driven to the edges, families living on the fringes of society.
Why have we had to live like this? I have yet to hear an intelligent answer! It defies good reason. As other minorities have gained their freedoms over the last century, we have endured stepped up targeted legislation, selective prosecution, and increased hatred.
Our children are feeling as frustrated as the adults on the subject. My 10 year old daughter, was learning about the symbols of American freedom. She came home one night and watched a particularly salacious story about polygamists. Later, I walked into a conversation she was having with a friend. Seeing me she said, “Why do they treat people this way….Why don’t they just listen to the children?” I said, “What would you say to them, if you could?” She said, “I would ask them if they have ever taken American history and if they even know what the American eagle stands for”.
We talk about Americas free democracy, and all having unalienable rights. But I and many before me have known a different America; one that picks and chooses who it persecutes. We can talk about women’s rights, but in America today, I am still denied the protection of my choice. It is past time to rid ourselves of these barbaric and antiquated anti-polygamy laws. We are overdue for decriminalizing polygamy.
Now more than ever, my concern is for those of us who choose to stay and fight for our family’s right to exist. Even though we are working to heal from past history, today’s climate of discriminatory laws, task forces, and increased hostility have created continued barriers.
We have promises from professionals and people in public offices, but their word is only good for as long as they hold that position. Turnover is high. Every replacement leaves us vulnerable once again. What government offers us is short term at best. Those who try to provide equal, unbiased service to us find it necessary to turn a blind eye to the anti-polygamy laws. I have been told this by social workers themselves.
Laws that apparently aren’t economically practical to enforce, we feel are kept on the books to intimidate and bully us.
When we open up and invite you into our lives we are exposing everything we hold dear and are risking our livelihoods with no credible promise for our safety in return.
We invite you to visit out community, our schools, our homes, as an ongoing attempt to reassure you that we are about family; that we deeply care for those we are responsible for. To remind you once again that the things you care about, we care about.
You want safe schools and clean streets; we want safe schools and clean streets. You want your children to be well educated; we want our children to be well educated. You want your families to live in a free, safe, and open society; we want our families to live in a free, safe and open society. We are not so unlike you.
We are confident that eventually we will secure our rights, that bad laws will be overturned, that one day our neighbors and fellow Americans will see past the stereotypes. We have this confidence because this is the American way, to work past painful mistakes, to reach for a world where each of us can bask in the light of the unalienable freedoms of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like Martin Luther King, I too have a dream that one day my children will be judged for the content of their character!
Pure knowledge is the only way to erode barriers and bring equality to us all.

~ Submitted by R. W. Dockstader